Welcome to Bevo’s Fake Nuts, our weekly-ish column on all things Texas Longhorns. Named in honor of the folks who’d like to put neuticles on a steer.
A cousin of the blog (not Joe, different cousin, this one sends us bird tweets but not as many as her brother does) went to Waco last month when Iowa State played the Bears. The hotel? Terrifyingly bad. The fans? Shockingly kind. Her account got us wondering:
What is Baylor?
There are a number of ways to define Baylor. Harmless weirdos. Harmful weirdos. The number of ways to define Baylor is evidently two. On one side, they’re, well, the folks who let the Art Briles era happen (and other assorted matters). On the other, that wasn’t really the student body, or even really the alumni base in a direct sense. Students were the victims. Students who became alumni themselves, entering a fanbase that’s evidently quite friendly, at least to Iowa State fans (realizing now that this might be a key distinction shit shit shit where is this column going).
Anyway, it doesn’t require denying the harmful pieces to acknowledge that there are a lot of fine and good people at Baylor, and that athletes, who have additional factors beyond a school’s culture playing a role in their decision to attend said institution, are especially unlikely to fit the worst image. You can have the appropriate level of disgust for Baylor without applying that image to every Baylor person in existence.
Now, the football.
I don’t know, honestly. Not a lot that would surprise. Baylor isn’t that good, Texas obviously is also not that good. It’s another Big 12 Pack game, potentially helping sift that pack out (if Texas loses), but mostly just a solid, not-great game between solid, not-great teams. Such is life when you aren’t Oklahoma but you’re better than whichever group’s slogging along above Kansas trying to get bowl-eligible. (currently: Texas Tech; West Virginia; Kansas State;…TCU?)
Speaking of packs and groups, we’ve got space, let’s do weirdo rankings for the league, plus what kind of weird they are.
10. Kansas: Kind of Cool, Actually
Admit it. KU’s pretty cool. They clearly aren’t trying to win football games, their basketball program’s been putting their middle finger up at the NCAA for a few years now, they’ve probably got the best college town in the conference (doesn’t include cities around colleges, don’t worry)…they’re cool.
9. Iowa State: Farm Kid Weird
The influx of so many big-city suburb kids keeps ISU fairly tame.
8. Texas Tech: Cowboy Weird
7. Oklahoma State: Cowboy Weird
Feels oddly natural for both.
6. Oklahoma: Rural City Suburb Weird
Oklahoma City is a rural city, Norman is a suburb of it.
5. TCU: Unnecessarily Stuck-Up Weird
Congratulations on your fathers’ jobs with Big Concrete, losers.
4. West Virginia: West Virginia Weird
3. Texas: Thin-Skinned Weird
You know. We all know.
2. Kansas State: Farm Kid Weird
LOVE Kansas State. But it’s a weird place.
1. Baylor: Creepy Weird
Obviously.
