Welcome to Bevo’s Fake Nuts, our weekly-ish column on all things Texas Longhorns.
Ok, first: A programming note.
I could’ve sworn Bevo had neuticles. I could’ve sworn I’d seen them swinging down there on Bevo Boulevard a couple years ago, then looked it up (because Bevo’s a steer, not a bull), and seen that this was a movement geared at…well, exactly the things you’d imagine Texas putting neuticles on a steer would be geared at. But then I looked it up last night, trying to find out more, and…nothing. Nothing at all. I may have been mistaken. I may have misremembered the balls.
That said, the very fact it’s been suggested is reason enough to hold onto our titular phrase, because the fact it’s been suggested is hilarious. Prosthetic testicles on an animal are hilarious. Still, though…let us know. Let us know what you know about Bevo’s undercarriage.
Texas hosts Oklahoma State this week in a game in which…wait, Oklahoma State’s undefeated? Did you guys know this?
October’s a funny month for college football because there are these undefeated teams that we know—or at least think we know—won’t finish the job, but we’re at the point where we kind of have to acknowledge them. Oklahoma State’s one of those teams.
At the same time, though, Oklahoma State’s not one of those teams. Because, well, at least in my head, we haven’t acknowledged them. We acknowledged Wake Forest. We acknowledged Kentucky. But Oklahoma State? Totally missed them.
Part of this is that Oklahoma’s still undefeated. In the ACC, there’s no one, somehow no one, above Wake. In the SEC, Kentucky’s outlasted even Alabama. The Big 12? Oklahoma’s show, still. But part of it, too, is Texas. The Big 12 focus has been so much on a 4-2 team that lost to a potentially-unranked-in-two-days Arkansas that we completely missed Oklahoma State coming in at 6-0. *giggling at Oklahoma State*
This does say a lot about Texas. Texas occupies the mind. Texas occupies the headlines. The Backometer™ takes up a lot of room. Congratulations, I guess.
What’s going to happen today? A fundamental law of modern Texas football says that the Longhorns exist in a state of flux between unchecked optimism and utter underwhelm. We’re not fully at the first after last week. We would be, had the script been different but the score the same, but Oklahoma turning the burners on in the second half really checked the optimism. Which leads me to believe Texas will win today. Win today, and Texas climbs into the first mate’s seat on the HMS Big 12. Win today, and Texas can start dreaming on a Big 12 Championship Game appearance. Win today, and that fundamental law states Texas will turn the ball over four times and lose by a field goal in Waco in fourteen days. The fundamental law works best when we’re swinging from one end to the other, not reversing course in the middle. I think we’re still swinging towards the unchecked-optimism end.
Just like Bevo’s possibly-nonexistent fake nuts.
