Welcome to Bevo’s Fake Nuts, our sometimes-weekly column on the Texas Longhorns.
Longhorn Network is one of those things that was jarring at the time of its announcement but so new that we had no idea how to respond besides surprise it was actually happening. Twelve years later, the audacity of it stands in clearer relief. Texas is big enough that for twelve years (thirteen by the time it ends), it had its own television network.
Texas is not big enough, it turns out, that it will maintain this network within the SEC. It’s a little unclear—to me, at least—what happened here, whether it was 1) the SEC saying, “Absolutely not, we are not the Big 12, we have boundaries here,” or 2) Texas deciding it wasn’t as big an advantage as they’d hoped to have the capacity to broadcast hours upon hours of Bevo footage on the holidays, or 3) some other combination of reasons. Maybe Texas *is* big enough to keep the network going, but it isn’t going to happen. Longhorn Network will die next summer. The details of its death are being determined.
In the meantime, we’re entering the final calendar year of a ridiculous cable channel, and we’re beginning it auspiciously. This afternoon, Texas will play Louisiana in Coral Gables to begin baseball’s NCAA Tournament. The game will be broadcast on Longhorn Network. An NCAA postseason event will be carried by the network of a single competing school. ULL fans, you want to watch? Get ready to hook ‘em in tribute.
This isn’t exactly what’s going on. ESPN has the rights to the broadcasts, ESPN only has so many channels, ESPN is using all its relevant channels including SEC Network and ACC Network to broadcast the games. Longhorn Network, I’m 98% sure, is available through ESPN+, which is where the untelevised contests find their respective screens. I don’t believe any Ragin’ Cajun faithful need to place a call to their cable provider this morning in order to watch.
At the same time, though, it’s kind of what’s going on. At some point, folks in Bristol sat down and listed out the channels where they could broadcast postseason college baseball:
Executive 1: Well, ESPN.
Executive 2: Sure.
Executive 1: ESPN2.
Executive 2: Yes.
Executive 1: ESPNU.
Executive 2: Of course.
Executive 1: ACC and SEC Network.
Executive 2: Good call.
Executive 1: Oh, and there’s Texas.
Executive 2: Right, right. Texas.
Texas, in this conversation, isn’t exactly on par with the ACC and SEC, but…kind of? It’s a little like when the United States negotiates with the entire European Union. It’s not apple vs. apple, but…kind of?
So, as Longhorn Network begins its victory lap, having successfully bullied Oklahoma and Baylor and Texas Tech for a decade and having helped run Texas A&M out of the conference in frustration, let us all stand in awe as it insults yet another school on its first step ‘round the calendar. A neutral carrier of a postseason game? Absolutely not. Don’t be silly, Louisiana.
