Welcome to Bevo’s Fake Nuts, our weekly-ish column on the Texas Longhorns.
If I know Texas football…
If I know Texas football, the Longhorns will win big tonight. They’ll rout Louisiana the Lesser™, pull Quinn Ewers in the third quarter, and not quite cover the five-plus-touchdown spread but head into next week with wind in their sails.
It’s what happens from there that’s a problem.
If I know Texas football, the hype will be there next week. Texas will sneak into the back of the top 25 on the wings of the rout, getting help from a couple losses above them. Quinn Ewers will be called “the real deal” no shortage of eight times on College Gameday. There’ll be hedging, and there’ll be expectation-setting, and the Vegas line will sit stagnant past fourteen. But there’ll be hope, too.
And then there won’t be.
If I know Texas football, a game in the noontime heat against Alabama will be too much. LSU in the golden hour was one thing, with an NFL-backup-caliber experienced quarterback and the guests still figuring themselves out. Alabama will be another. What have we been told about the Longhorns, time and time again? They’re not tough enough. What do you have to be to win in the sun against Alabama? Tough. I don’t think it’s all that coincidental that A&M could beat the Tide in a night game but could hardly keep things within thirty with the fire high in the sky. But all of this will be fine. Who could be expected to beat Alabama?
It’s what happens from there that’s a problem.
If I know Texas football, they’ll do just fine against UTSA, and the start of Big 12 play may even go well. But an offensive line isn’t something that gets healthier as the year goes on, and a thin, questionable offensive line isn’t something you want getting banged up. What happens in Dallas? What happens in Stillwater? What happens in Manhattan, and when Iowa State and TCU and Baylor come to town? Lubbock at the end of the month will be hard enough. Hell, UTSA on the heels of a lesson in physicality might get tricky. You can assume that conditioning won’t be the problem this year that it seemed to be last season, when second half after second half went the same way. But focus? That’s not something you can run into a team’s heart. Resilience? That’s not something that comes automatically. Not only was that 2019 crew a better outfit, but they had a guy under center who could always be counted on to offer some convincing case to rally to the flag. You can ask Ewers to be that, but it’s not possible that he’s established himself the way Ehlinger did. And if 2019’s our standard for comparison, that says a lot already.
If I know Texas football, tonight won’t be the problem.
It’s what happens from there.
