Welcome to Bevo’s Fake Nuts, our weekly column on the Texas Longhorns.
Alright, what are these bastards gonna do now?
To recap the Texas season so far:
- Texas looked good. (emotionless emoji)
- Texas looked great! (excited cowboy-hat emoji)
- Quinn Ewers got hurt. (two columns of tears emoji)
- Texas still looked good. (surprised emoji)
- Texas got beat by Tech. (angry emoji)
- Texas looked great! (excited cowboy-hat emoji)
- Texas survived. (uneasy emoji of your choosing)
It’s been a very Texas year, but in a muted way. Subtler than usual. Were this a normal year, Texas would have followed the Alabama near-loss by beating UTSA comfortably and losing at Texas Te…ok, maybe this is more normal than we thought.
Oklahoma State and Texas are not the largest of rivals in an emotional sense. Each dislikes Oklahoma. Each doesn’t like the other, but it’s not on the level of hate, or at least not in both directions. Oklahoma State’s alongside Baylor and TCU for the Horns, somewhere behind Texas Tech and far behind A&M, but without the personal connection Longhorns often have with Bears and Frogs from high school. The Texas/Oklahoma Venn diagram has a big overlap. The Oklahoma/Oklahoma State Venn diagram has a big overlap. The Texas/Oklahoma State Venn diagram has a small overlap.
But, both wear orange, they haven’t played a game decided by less than a score since 2016, and for a minute there Oklahoma State really had Texas’s number. The glory days in Austin were defined by things like consistently beating Oklahoma State. These rough years since have been defined by things like the decided unease which arises every time the Pokes come up on the schedule.
If this is a normal Texas season, Texas will either dominate Oklahoma State or lose in hilarious fashion. If this is a normal Texas season but subtler, Texas will probably win quietly. Maybe even dramatically. Normal Texas waffles between playoff buzz and fear of missing a bowl. This subtler Texas seems to want to make everyone ask more questions. Are they really good? They didn’t look it against Iowa State? I’m feeling the need to end every sentence with a question mark?
Anyway, think we covered all our possible outcomes. Close win? Subtle Texas. Big win? Normal Texas. Loss? Probably hilarious, so normal Texas. There’s your star chart.
We’ve got one hundred words left, so let’s rant about the AP Poll.
These dumbasses voting on the AP Poll say Oklahoma State’s better than Texas. That or they say Oklahoma State’s more accomplished than Texas. The former is obviously untrue. Texas is a touchdown favorite on the road. They’re the better team, and single games don’t change impressions enough to prove that wrong when the gap’s this large. The latter—that Oklahoma State’s more accomplished—is also dubious. Who’ve they played, Paul? Baylor, Texas Tech, and TCU? Ok that’s not that bad. I forgot about the Baylor game. And the Texas Tech game, honestly. I don’t know who I thought they’d played. Alright that’s the limit peace out.
