These are the five worst documentary ideas I could come up with yesterday while driving to the Salvation Army drop-off location to play pranks on stray grackles (all grackles are stray grackles).
A Documentary about Couples Choosing Which Color to Paint Their Respective Living Rooms
The title, I’ll admit, is catchy. But this would not be a good documentary. Worse still, it opens the door for a sequel about throw pillows, and if you think GameStop’s getting a lot of attention, wait until we get the throw pillow documentary.
This must not happen.
Microsoft Officer
Ok this title might be better than the first. I’m a little proud of this title.
The premise is that we find the person, in the world, who spends the most time each year using the Microsoft Office suite of programs. Yes, I know, I’ve stumbled upon a fascinating five minutes. But this is a whole documentary we’re talking about. It’s going to be too sad. We can’t handle that kind of sadness.
The Daily: A History
I hesitate to put this in writing for fear the New York Times will find it with their worship-seeking bots, take it, run with it, and create appointment viewing for this neighborhood, where as the guy in the other half of the duplex (not Stuart—we’re in the same half) put it, “I feel like these kids listen to NPR in the womb.”
We cannot be subjected to this film in 2024. The Tom Verducci Hall of Fame video was self-aggrandizement enough for this decade. But it may already be too late.
Harby’s: How an Iconic Roast Beef Chain’s HR Department Got Built
This title does not make sense. Harby’s? That’s not portmanteauing anything. I just put an H in front of Arby’s and lowercased the a. Please stop filming. PLEASE. THIS ISN’T ABOUT THE FUNNY STORIES THAT LED TO HANDBOOK ADDENDUMS THIS IS JUST THEM HIRING PEOPLE IN THE 70’S.
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My bad, guys.
Heartburn, the Documentary
Right at that intersection of not-gross-enough and not-scary-enough. Not that I’d like a documentary past either of those points. But others would. This one I don’t think could find a market.
