For those of you who haven’t been following the saga of dogs and my apartment building, here’s the last post. I trust you to figure it out from there.
Now, for this week’s news:
I came home the other day (where I was is none of your business but I was buying milk) to find a note stuck in the door saying that our lease was still in effect. Which was much better than a note saying the other thing. It also said our building had changed management, suggesting the dogs now literally owned the place.
But evidently they do not. For on the next day, those bastards running this building’s management service sent out an email with a subject line that included an all-caps “IMPORTANT:”
It looked important, so I read it. Call me what you will.
It started with a treatise on the pool. The first thing was that evidently the pool closes at a certain time, and evidently we have something called a “Courtesy Patrol officer” whom one can call to complain about post-10 PM use of the pool. But the second thing…this was about dogs. I won’t post the exact text, because after reading the disclaimer at the bottom I think that could get me evicted, but basically they said dogs and glass aren’t allowed by the pool.
Didn’t know that was a rule. The pet thing, I mean. Kind of figured the glass thing was a rule. Will be careful. About the glass. Not about the pets because I don’t have a pet. Though I wouldn’t mind getting one. But now it’s out because I’d want that pet to get to swim. Anyway, no more cool dogs hanging out by the pool, I guess.
The email went on to talk about noise (*yawn*), poolside intoxication (*yawn*), poolside unaccompanied children (*yawn*), and something called a clubroom (*ears perk up*) before turning back to the subject of pets.
Turns out some people have been having pets just visit, without paying the accompanying deposit. Meh. Don’t really care, but I get why the landlords wouldn’t want this happening. I’m a reasonable guy. Also, there was another thing telling pet owners to pick up their dog’s dumps, which was timely because four big turds were on the stairs for a few days earlier this week. This was undeniably reasonable. Dog poop on the stairs is not fun for anybody except the renegade dog, and we should be asking that dog what’s going on in their home life to provoke them to act out like this. Is it really enjoyable, Banana? And finally, while the message alluded to the ability of residents to report people not picking up their dog’s excrement, and mentioned again that pets are supposed to be on a leash (it implied they have to be on leashes in their own homes—not cool, landlords, and also presumably not the real rule), it did not ask us to narc on our canine neighbors.
But it did say that the landlords can “request for removal” of a certain pet, which is messed up, because why isn’t their person being removed instead? They’re the ones either not picking up the poop or not keeping their dog in line. It’s time for humans to be held accountable.
Anyway, hoping that doesn’t happen, but the biggest reason I’m blogging about this is that we got a beauty of a paragraph at the bottom, with no transition into it after the dog removal section. Saved the best for last. And while I know I’m not supposed to copy in the exact text…I couldn’t help myself on this one. Landlords, if you’re reading this, please summon some self-awareness and allow me to blog about your unintentionally comedic email.
Please remember, if it sounds loud then it probably is loud. When living with other people it is important to be courteous of the amount of noise you make in and outside of your apartment. Just because you’re feeling a little funky and want to blast music, doesn’t mean your feels the same way (sic). Put on some wireless headphones in the late hours if you must blast your music. If you have pets, remember the pitter patter and barking/howling that you think is absolutely adorable, can be nerve racking to the person downstairs. Area rugs can help keep sound down while providing more comfort for you. Being courteous will go a long way! Respect begets respect.
