They’re doing it.
The kids are stealing toilets.
It was a matter of time before we got to this. I saw a toilet stolen once. Or rather, the aftermath. I was eighteen. It was hilarious. There should’ve been a urinal there on the wall, and there wasn’t! This is a great prank. Too great a prank to not become commonplace. Toilets were bound to be stolen eventually. It was just a matter of when humanity would evolve to that level. I wouldn’t last as a teacher. If a kid stole a toilet I would high five them.
Anyway, this is clearly the onset of societal breakdown. Last Days of Rome. We’re destroying the plumbing, there’s a plague going on, next thing you know we’re back in the dark ages. And I want to know:
Was this Russia?
For one thing, Russia loves the dark ages. They live in them all the time. It’s cold and oppressive and there’s a lot of suspicion.
Secondly, Russia loves using social media to manipulate Americans into doing dumb shit. Loves that.
If it isn’t Russia, I’m sorry for suggesting it. Because if this wasn’t them and they read this post, the fork-in-the-gas-station-microwave-challenge is definitely going to be Russia.
Now if you’ll excuse me, there’s an attractive nuisance calling my name from this coffee shop bathroom.
