For immediate release:
The mosquitoes might be bigger in northern Minnesota.
I lived in Minneapolis for a couple years, and, like anyone antagonistic to their adopted home, I learned to roll my eyes at a lot of local myths and tropes. Minneapolis does not have the second-most theatre seats in the country per capita, and people aren’t any nicer there than in the rest of the Midwest (I’d rank Minnesota around the middle in that subjective list). Accordingly, when Minnesotans said the mosquitoes were gigantic up north, I privately assumed mosquitoes were not particularly large up north. But! I never found out for myself. During those two summers, I never traveled further north than Collegeville. This weekend, I spent three days near Brainerd for a family reunion.
The mosquitoes were large.
I don’t know with certainty that the mosquitoes are larger in Minnesota. I’m not here to declare the matter settled. I tried to research while I stood in the security line, but a TSA agent yelled, “Stop that! You can’t know the truth!” (Just kidding. The TSA agents were largely silent. This caused a lot of confusion. Their hand signals were not particularly clear.) Undaunted, I continued my search, but I encountered conflicting reports on whether aedes vexans—the most common mosquito species in Minnesota—are above average in their size. Then, I learned those are also the most common mosquitoes down in my new home of Texas, and the trail hit a dead end.*
Again, I offer no certainty on this rarely contested bit of inconsequential cultural identity-shaping. I do not know that mosquitoes are larger in the North Woods. I am, however, here to back down. I do not know that mosquitoes are NOT larger in the North Woods. Therefore, I will no longer roll my eyes when someone refers to the mosquito as Minnesota’s state bird.
No matter how disrespectful that joke is to the common loon.**
-NIT Stu
*Incidentally, The Internet™ is in wide disagreement over which state has the most mosquitoes. I saw Michigan on top tens and bottom tens alike. The absence of information on these fuckers makes me highly suspicious that our country is not actually battling its mosquito infestation, which only inflames my preexisting suspicion that every one of our last eight presidents was secretly a horde of mosquitoes imitating a human body.
**Can you believe Wisconsin and Michigan both made the robin their state bird? What an unforced error.
