It’s been my privilege to follow Brady Tkachuk closely these last four years, ever since I decided the best way to get back into hockey was to become a diehard fan of whichever NHL team most closely matched the NIT’s aura. I asked a friend to list for me the Canadian teams. When he got to the Senators, I said, “Wow. I forgot the Senators exist.” It worked. I love hockey now.
Last night, Brady Tkachuk and his older brother Matthew lived out what should now be every red-blooded American child’s dream: Within the first three seconds of what’s basically the NHL’s All-Star Game, they each fought a Canadian on behalf of the United States of America.
Confused? Let’s reset with a few facts:
- Brady Tkachuk plays for the Ottawa Senators. His older brother Matthew plays for the Florida Panthers. They are rabble-rousers. Shit-stirrers. Talented hockey players and also tough and pesky. The proverbial “guys you want on your team.” Their father, Keith Tkachuk, was the same way during his playing days.
- This year, the NHL decided to cancel its All-Star Game and instead pause the season for two weeks to play a significant international tournament. They named this tournament the 4 Nations Face-Off, and they didn’t know how significant it was going to be. There were fears that the players wouldn’t care. Now, there are fears among owners that the players care too much. They’re getting themselves hurt. Team USA and Team Canada treated last night like the settling of a blood feud.
I think ESPN can handle it from here:
The hockey rivalry renewed with Matthew dropping his gloves against Canada’s Brandon Hagel after the opening faceoff, igniting a sold-out crowd. Tkachuk and Hagel are rivals in the NHL as well, playing for the Florida Panthers and Tampa Bay Lightning, respectively.
It was the fastest fight to start an NHL international game, topping the previous record of 20 seconds in 1996 when Canada’s Keith Primeau and Claude Lemieux fought Team USA’s Keith Tkachuk and Bill Guerin in the World Cup of Hockey. Guerin is the U.S. general manager in the 4 Nations Face-Off, and Tkachuk is Matthew and Brady’s father — although Matthew denied that his father’s history influenced his and Brady’s actions.
One second after Matthew Tkachuk went to the penalty box, Brady Tkachuk fought his older brother’s Florida teammate, Sam Bennett, after the game’s second faceoff. Matthew Tkachuk slammed his arms against the glass in the penalty box in support.
So much Tkachuk.
Moments later, J.T. Miller fought Colton Parayko and the penalty box was full. Nine seconds. Three fights. Two flags.
After the game, Matthew Tkachuk implored his little brother to “tell the truth” when asked how premeditated the fights were. Brady Tkachuk explained there was a group chat during the day about it. I know this isn’t the case, but I like to think the chat included their Canadian counterparts. Hey, you rat bastards. It’s the Tkachuks.
Other things to love about last night:
- How about Matthew breaking his dad’s record for the fastest NHL international fight? That is not a very big record—the NHL doesn’t play a ton of international games—but can’t you see Keith Tkachuk sitting his boys down yesterday morning in the hotel lobby? “So you know the Primeaus, sons.”
- I like that Sam Bennett—the Canadian whom Brady Tkachuk fought and a shit-stirrer in his own right—is Matthew Tkachuk’s regular season teammate. Can’t you see Bennett watching Matthew fight Hagel and realizing what’s about to happen? “Matt’s brother’s gonna fight me now, isn’t he.”
- Has Matthew Tkachuk ever been prouder of Brady than he was from that penalty box?
- Three great things from this video. First, Sam Bennett hitting the ice like a thing of salami slapped down on a deli counter. Second, Brady coming out of the scrum like a defensive end who just made a big sack. Third, the mic’d up part at the end.
- I like that Matthew went first. Good move by the little brother to defer to the older brother. Classy.
If you’re looking for more Brady Tkachuk content, here he is carrying beers in his back pockets at the Saddledome during a Matthew playoff game a few years back. Tragically, I can’t find any video of this that hasn’t been scrubbed from the internet, but he also once capped off the Senators’ end-of-year party shirtless in overalls, bartending at a real bar while wearing a bike helmet.
They’re the best. They’re everything the next generation should aspire to be. Picture it: An entire country of Tkachuks walking around. It would be chaotic and destructive, yes. But nobody would mess with the USA.
On that note, let’s get to our real purpose here.
In the list of the greatest Americans, I think the Tkachuks rank behind Washington, Lincoln, MLK, Ben Franklin, and Joe Kelly. But they’re definitely ahead of the Wright Brothers.
**
