Admit It. Chick-fil-A Is Slow.

I like Chick-fil-A.

I like their chicken-egg-cheese biscuit.

I like their nuggets.

I like the cashier at the walk-up one by West Campus who saw the terror in my eyes and let me use their bathroom circa May 2019.

But we need to accept that Chick-fil-A is, oftentimes, slow.

This isn’t to say it’s “bad” service (that’s another debate, but I’m not picking that fight now). And it’s not to say they’re doing a terrible job. And yes, I’m especially ruffled about this because my job includes picking up food from Chick-fil-A and they make you navigate a go kart track and then cool off for five minutes before they’ll even consider giving you the customer’s order. (Just saying…Popeyes would never. And Popeyes sucks at getting you the food.) But everyone going around saying, “I think they should let Chick-fil-A handle the vaccine rollout!” like it’s 1) funny and 2) the right corporation to insert into that joke needs to read this and this and, most recently, this. There are lawsuits going on because Chick-fil-A can’t keep its drive-throughs churning. Three of them! So far! Chick-fil-A’s viscosity is harming other businesses. Not to mention thousands upon thousands of—I hate to use this word, but—sheep.

To be fair, yes, some of this is because Chick-fil-A’s popularity has outpaced its growth. I get it. It’s a difficult task. The food is good! People want the food! But that doesn’t mean Chick-fil-A is fast. In the arena of being fast, Chick-fil-A is failing. We need to accept that. Embrace it, even. We need to stop acting like they’re engaging in logistical wizardry. They’re slow. Go ahead. Say it with me. They’re slow. There. Doesn’t that feel better?

Chicken tastes best when you’re honest with yourself.