At some point, about ten years ago, I realized my brother had acquired a collection of Petes in his life and was naming them all using adjectives. There was Stinky Pete, his college roommate who gave up laundry for a semester. There was Coach Pete, the guy who organized his intramural teams at work. There was Big Pete, my college roommate who did his laundry at an appropriate frequency. Something about the name “Pete” lent itself well to adjectives. So, more Petes, with what talkenglish.com (that sounds like a site I should not trust) claims are the most commonly used adjectives in the English language:
Different Pete
This one doesn’t work all that well.
Used Pete
This has me asking questions about Pete, but I don’t want to ask them.
Important Pete
I love this. There’s no way you’d call someone important if they were actually important, right? Or rather, maybe they’d be important, but they wouldn’t think they were important? I’m picturing Pete walking into a room and you saying, “Important Pete!” They’d feel good about themselves, but only for a second.
Every Pete
This doesn’t work. This is what we’re trying to avoid by using the adjectives in the first place. If we wanted to refer to all of them, we’d just say, “Pete.”
Large Pete
I like this. It’s more respectful than Big Pete. I especially like this if there is also a Big Pete in the picture. I want someone to meet your friend Pete, notice they’re 6’7”, and ask if that’s Big Pete. “No, no, no,” I want you to say with a chuckle. “This is Large Pete. Big Pete’s only five-foot-eight.”
Available Pete
I think this could work, but only for one party. After that, he’ll become…
Popular Pete
Condescending, but it plays.
Able Pete
I like this because it implies the existence of a second Pete. There doesn’t have to be one. It can be like the joke about releasing three pigs into the school with “1” and “3” painted on their sides. In fact, it’s better if there isn’t a second Pete. Because then, other people will wonder if the second Pete is incompetent or if you’re just a jackass.
Basic Pete
Ooh, yes. A PSL king.
Known Pete
This is a good Pete when you’ve just gotten done with a religious retreat.
Various Pete
You see, I think Eclectic Pete gets this message across better.
Difficult Pete
Fair. Speaks for itself.
Several Pete
No. What? This doesn’t make sense.
United Pete
ALL OF THE PETES!
Historical Pete
This could work, I think. Either with a man interested in history or a man whose past you like to refer to as though he was someone else.
Hot Pete
Ok, yeah, this has happened. There’s a Hot Pete out there. Bastard knows it, too. (It’s Coach Pete. Or it was until he started balding.)
