Southern Illinois and the College of Charleston are deep into the first half at the Sanford Pentagon, which is a basketball arena in Sioux Falls, South Dakota. Meanwhile, IU Indy (formerly known as IUPUI) leads IU Columbus (not a D-I team) by 47 points. Middle Tennesee State is putting a whooping on Oglethorpe. A UNT satellite campus is playing UT Arlington.
Yes, college basketball’s opening day is underway. Here are the 32 questions everyone wants answered:
1. Who will win the NIT?
2. Who will be the NIT runner up?
3. Who will make the NIT Final Four?
4. Will Satan come to Earth and pick up the Fox Sports executive who tried to challenge the NIT before March, or after March?
5. What if Indiana wants to fire Mike Woodson in January but they need to give Curt Cignetti a raise? What if they give Curt Cignetti the raise and then he turns around and pays Mike Woodson’s buyout? What if Curt Cignetti then takes over the Indiana basketball program, fixes it too, and wins an NIT along the way? What if Curt Cignetti militarizes and drives Tom Izzo’s forces into Canada?
6. Will Dan Hurley win a third straight NCAA T*urnament, and if so, who gives a shit?
7. Will Ace Bailey and Dylan Harper play in the NIT?
8. Where will Cooper Flagg transfer next offseason to get himself a better NIT shot?
9. Has Robbie Avila’s vertical leap improved enough for him to posterize/teabag John Bol in the NIT Championship?
10. Will Avila and Josh Schertz make the NIT, or is this entire nation going to feel awkwardly sad the night of Selection Sunday?
11. Will anybody opt out of the NIT, or will Rick Pitino, Jeff Capel, and Chris Beard all be in prison by March and unable to opt out of anything?
12. Which UNC player is secretly Armando Bacot in disguise?
13. Does anything Will Wade has done constitute wire fraud? I was told that’s a catch-all. My guess is that because he’s in Lake Charles, he’s safe, but I am not currently a member of the Louisiana State Bar Association.
14. How the heck is Hunter Dickinson still in college?
15. Wait. Caleb Love’s still around too??
16. What’s the worst Kentucky performance Mark Pope can survive with his vibes intact?
17. Will Micah Shrewsberry and/or Casey Alexander respond to the allegations that their head is secretly a basketball?
18. Are those Dartmouth kids who unionized going to beat any Division I teams?
19. Is the ACC ready for Mark Madsen?
20. Bill Self’s ok now, right?
21. Will Matthew McConaughey stop attending Texas games before or after Rodney Terry gets the boot?
22. Will this be the fourth year in a row in which Shaka Smart dramatically outperforms expectations at Marquette?
23. How funny will it be when Brad Brownell only beats Florida A&M by 15 points after spending all of last year saying the key to the NET is scheduling Florida A&M?
24. Louisville?
25. Is South Carolina going to continue following exactly one year behind Mizzou? If so, should we warn them? Feels like it’d be the nice thing for us to do.
26. Are Nate Oats and Bruce Pearl finally going to fight? Or are they phonies? Or! Will they get married?
27. How deep is the longing in Greg McDermott’s soul?
28. Are Maryland people mad at Kevin Willard or is this going ok?
29. How much did Michigan redesign Juwan Howard’s office to get it ready for Dusty May?
30. Does Boise State have another guy with Tyson Degenhart’s build, skin tone, and haircut with which to replace Max Rice?
31. What’s the wildest thing that will happen at Memphis this year?
32. Will John Calipari win a second NIT?
We aren’t the guys with answers (although our preseason NIT Bracketology has seven ACC teams in the field, which I suppose is something of an answer). Not today. Today, we are only questions guys (besides that bracketology). A wise man once said there’s no such thing as a dumb question. We will test that theory to the ends of the earth.
Honorable mention: Buzz Williams, Zags, Jizzle James, Kyle Neptune, Kyle Uranus, The A-10, Mick Cronin, Porter Moser’s look of concern, Kon Knueppel, Hunter Sallis, Bucky, Jerome Tang, Nijel Pack, Johnny Trueblood’s ghost, Mike White, Utah State’s newest new coach, Deion Sanders, Sister Jean, Ross Hodge Year 2, Australia, Butler’s Home-Court Advantage, Tony Bennett’s attendance, Santa Clara, and Adrian Wojnarowski. Probably more. 32 is more selective than 68, remember. Hope this helps us illustrate that point.
