This is Fargo.
Fargo has something to say.
mmmmmmwweellllllheeeellllOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*waggity waggity waggity waggity waggity waggity waggity JUMP!*
i am a dog.
firstly, i would like to issue a statement on the blogger on this site who stated that i was “shitting napalm” last week.
it was not my fault.
thankfully, things are improving. the biggest step? i no longer need a bath after using the loo. and with that taken care of, we can move on to more important matters.
i am going to teach dogs how to ride elevators.
the ultimate goal of elevator rides is to get scritches and pets and compliments. this is the goal of life itself, after all, and why should elevator rides be any different? the challenges inherent to this, when riding an elevator, are your people. as usual, your people are the problem. they are holding the leash after all, and they do not want 1. you to be in the elevator with them outside it and the leash connecting you two (evidently there is a risk of you being hung alive if the door closes, which sounds like a them problem) or 2. you to jump on strangers (again, this is a them problem).
how do you get around this?
the trick is to trick. you trick them! you have superior senses to theirs. them? they need to wait until the door opens to tell if someone is in the elevator. you can tell immediately when the elevator arrives.
with this knowledge, you merely have to make one “read,” as quarterbacks might call it.
if there is nobody in the elevator, patiently wait to enter. maybe even throw in a sit, if that is in your character. your people will say, “Wow, Fargo, good job! You’re finally figuring this thing out!” but you will not be ‘figuring this thing out.’ YOU WILL NOT RELENT!!!!!! because in the other scenario, well…
if there is somebody in the elevator, sprint into it and jump on them before your people know what hit them. startle the person in the ‘vator. startle the person—your person—on the other end of your leash. and while everyone is startled and trying to wrestle you off the stranger, lick the stranger’s face incessantly.
trust me on this.
it will get you scritches and pets and compliments.
and in the rare cases where it doesn’t, the person will usually just leave the elevator while you try to drag your person after them.
you now have it all figured out.
