Fargo Friday: A Puppy’s Case for Why Sleep Should Be Illegal

This is Fargo:

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This is Fargo’s first post on The Barking Crow. She asked for the keyboard. We relented. It may or may not have been wise. You can expect to see her here every Friday until she gets bored (which usually happens quickly when she’s newly allowed to do things).

HELLO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*furious butt waggling*

*multiple jumps*

*tail swinging so hard she falls over onto her rump but quickly gets back up to jump a few more times*

ok now that i have that out of my system there is something essential i must talk with you about

BUT FIRST!

my side of the squirrel story:

it was tasty.

OK ON TO THE IMPORTANT MATTERS WE HAVE IMPORTANT MATTERS TO DISCUSS BARK BARK BARK BORK BAOWOURK! sorry kind of have to poop

there is a situation in this household, and perhaps it is a situation in your household too, in which the people who control whether the toys get thrown around to be chased say that they need to “work” during the day.

excuse me?

work?

try again, hecker.

*BITE*

i am sorry that was not directed at you i am just a puppy i am learni-

*BITE*

i am sorry your shorts taste like laundry detergent and i like that taste (i like most tastes they are tasty but not as tasty as dead squirre-

*BITE*

*mad scramble across the room and back again*

ok ok you can see what i mean this dog needs to PLAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and this is the problem in the house. they do not want me to play. they say, “Fargo, we’ve played for half an hour today, and we went for three walks, and you got to eat a peanut butter/chicken bone, and it’s only one o’clock” and i say YES THAT IS THE PROBLEM SIR OR MADAM THAT IS NOT ENOUGH PLAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

they expect me to sleep. they expect me to lay my pretty head on the floor or on something soft or maybe perhaps on the rare in between thing that is not soft and is also not the floor, like a table leg or an elk antler they purchased for me at Petco (a fine establishment that appreciates my worth and *always* lets me play) and they expect me to sleep.

BUT HOW CAN I SLEEP, I ASK? HOW CAN I SLEEP WHEN THERE IS !!!!PLAYING!!!! TO BE DONE!??

*pause to lick the pee parts*

*lip-smack*

fear not, howmever.

i have a solution.

make sleep illegal.

yes i know yes you heard me right i am looking for drastic action here. but these are desperate times, sir or madam! drastic! desperate! bark-worthy if ever a time were bark-worthy (and most of the times are bark-worthy i assure you)

if we succeed in this endeavor, the people will never again be able to say, “Fargo, don’t you want to sleep on your beach towel?” instead they will have to say, “Ok, Fargo, hour eighteen of play, on the way!” and then we will play for the eighteenth straight hour.

it.

is.

foolproof.

call your pupresentatives.